Throughout those four days, I had this eerie feeling in the back of my mind. I kind of knew that this would be my last meeting after 10 years being such a constant in my life. Why? Well, from a practical standpoint, my work schedule is just too busy now. And, from an emotional standpoint, I knew it was time -- time to move on. As I left the hotel for the last time going to the airport, I felt the transition pass through me.
When I was a teenager going to summer camp, there would always be a group of people in their 20s and 30s who really didn't fit in with the rest of the group. All they would talk about is "the old days" when they were campers. To be honest, I felt sorry for these people, even as a young lad. They revolved their entire life around going to summer camp. Maybe I'm being too harsh and judgemental, but there has to be more to life than summer camp, right?
I just did not want to be one of "those people" coming back to this annual summer medical student meeting year after year after year. Most of my peers have moved on taken on careers of their own. I don't even see them that much anymore. Also, relating to medical students is not as easy as it used to be -- as I get further and further away from my own days in med school. I remember making a reference to movies and music when I was in school and I got these shocked looks as if I was an ancient person -- reality check for me.
So, beginning on that plane ride home, in addition to dealing with my physical exhaustion of partying too much, it hit me that I am in the midst of a major professional and personal transition in my life. That saddened me.
About 12 hours after my plane landed, I was faced with the reality of being on-call. And, you know how busy on-call is for me -- I've talked about it before. It took me a few days to try to catch up from the work when I was off. As soon as that happened, I was on call that weekend.
So, the first 15 days of this month were difficult for me on a lot of different levels. I don't say this to gain sympathy, as I know that there are many people in this world with worse problems than this. It's just that in the ebb and flow of life, there are certain bridges that one must cross and this is one of them.
6 comments:
there may be people with "worse problems" but that certainly doesnt take away from the importance of this transitional time for you. walk your bridge and know you have friends to talk to in case it feels wobbly.
Transition times are a time of discomfort to me and I imagine everyone. Even when it is a good transition it is stressful. As my wonderful blog friends have been reminding me "sometimes it's best to just move on."
Also who's to say who has worse problems than anyone else? Everyday I tell myself that very thing, then I realize, there is noone in the whole world who couldn't say those exact words.
Life is full of change and about the time we get comfortable and think we have experienced them all, thats when we get hit with a double does of reality. Nothing ever stays the same.
As kt says, you always have friends Dr. A. if you ever need to talk!
Comparing our problems to those of others is a worthless exercise. Yes, people may been experiencing situations worse than we are but that doesn't render our problems invalid.
A transitional period is always tough. There's always that reluctance to leave behind what is familiar and face what might at that moment be undefined. Part and parcel of life, Dr. A. Be reassured that period will soon pass and you'll settle into the new phase of your life. Meanwhile, seems you have plenty of friends to help you through.
everyone reacts to there own world and there own pain differently.. and as each person and situation are different.. so to are our feelings on it...No one person's pain or experience is really worse then anothers...
as for the transitiion hugs.. it can always be hard to accept change.. take care!!!
Everywhere I look, it seems to be a year of transitions ... a time of change.
Being able to share it with people sometimes helps the transition flow a bit better ... it certainly helps to think it all through.
Remember - change is not, of itself, always a good thing ... what makes it a "good thing" is what you do with it, how you direct it. It's always best to direct change while facing forward ... rather than looking behind ...
I like what Moof had to say about change and transitions. I should share with you how I've been feeling this year. This is most definitely a year of transitions for me. I'm living alone for the first time. I am no longer a full time student and now have a full-time job. Sometimes when I go home at night, I don't quite know what to do with myself....it is hard to count down the week days because I'm not counting towards anything anymore. This is actually my life now! I'm not counting to graduation anymore.... Med students and residents are all still counting TOWARDS something...
What are we counting towards? That's why I'm going to England next month. Last fall, I felt completely depressed by the idea that even when I looked forward to getting through a 6 day stretch, it just meant that I had a few days off and then would do it all over again. And again. And again...
Now I know my goals have changed a little bit because I switched into a pediatric nurse practitioner program, so my life won't always be what it is now. But it is a daunting thought to imagine that this is it. I keep coming back to that line..."What if this is as good as it gets?" Hmmm......
Hang in there! And don't go comparing your issues in life to others...... My grandma always does that to my mom and I, and it is very frustrating. Yes we know there are others out there who have it worse, and it's good to realize that yes, others out there are suffering more, but don't then minimize your own pain and suffering. That's why pain is the 5th vital sign, after all...and "pain is what the patient says it is" - because nobody else can quantify what each one of us individually goes through - except us. All that matters is how YOU feel it is....
Hugz,
Carrie :)
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