Monday, October 23, 2006

Fog

Kind of feel like in a tail spin right now. Not really motivated to do anything. I had an entire free day to myself. What did I do? Slept most of the day, to be honest with you. You know when you finally have a vacation, you have this list of stuff that you have to do? I really did not want to do any of that.

There were five or six times today when I sat down and actually tried to blog about something -- anything. Not really motivated to do any of that either *gasp* Call it writers block. Call it feeling out of gas. Call it being in a fog and trying to find my way back.

I remember when I was back in school, summer break was the time when there was less stress. I actually had some time to get out and relax and play golf and other outside activities. I could also just let my mind wander, and just think about anything - not just business, meaning school. I miss those summer breaks.

I also used summer as a time to reflect. A kind of mark in the road to see where I've been and where I'm going. In a way, this week is kind of like that. I've been looking back to some of my first posts. This is Not a Medical Blog, I proclaimed on June 20, 2006. I knew it back then, why am I pretending that it's different now?
This blog is the observations of a doc out there just trying to make it in America today. Yes, from time to time there may be some medical commentary. From time to time there may be some ranting. From time to time, I may even say something funny.
That's the real reason I started blogging. I knew that there are a lot of blogs out there that do medicine all the time - there's nothing wrong with that. I think over the past few weeks, I was fooling myself in thinking I was doing the same thing.

Someone sent me this message, "Hey Doc. No offense, but your medical posts aren't all that 'hard core.'" That really kind of hit me. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't mean. But, it was true. My blog is not to report the latest medical stories. My blog is not to report the latest medical research. There are a lot of other blogs out there that already do this, and do this well.

I admit I was seduced by my numbers as they improved. For me, it became about keeping up the numbers. I felt this rush as my numbers passed 100 then 200 visits a day and higher than that. This is the point when blogging became feeling like a job. And, I never wanted blogging to be like that.

Sorry about all the rambling. I don't know if I'm looking for a new direction and/or a new freshness to my blog. Still kind of feel like I'm in a fog...

21 comments:

ClinkShrink said...

OK, this ought to make you feel better:

A marathon a day will chase boredom away

Now that's nuts. At least you and I can put our feet up (or sleep in) when we're off duty for a week. There's such a thing as being too driven.

Moof said...

Dr. Anon ... you know what you feel like when you've been running yourself too steadily, and you suddenly have a day to do nothing but lay down and die ... you're a goner ... for the whole day. Once you start moving around again, you'll feel more like yourself. Everyone needs one of those days now and again.

About blogging though ... that's another story.

Your blog is just that ... it's your blog. No one else could write it the way you do. Sometimes you blog about medically interesting things, but it's really very eclectic - and interesting.

Do you think that the people are coming to read your blog because of how you perceive it, and that if you view it differently that people will like it less? Your ratings went through the ceiling because people like what you're giving them. Just keep doing what you're doing ... your blog will define itself as it goes along.

It's not a job ... it's supposed to be fun. When you're having fun, people know it ... and that attracts them to your blog.

By the way ... any hints on where you'll be on Wednesday? :o)

Dr. A said...

Click, Wow! I was thinking about getting back to the gym this week. A marathon? I think driving 26 miles takes so much less time than running. For me, running/walking/crawling 26 miles would take about four days!

Moof, thanks, as always for reinforcing what I'm feeling. Hint? Hmmm. Good idea. I'll have to try to think of a good one.

ian said...

Nobody will fire you for NOT blogging.

Personally, I blog because I enjoy it, not because I feel any misplaced sense of obligation.

Although my hordes of screaming groupies may feel otherwise...

Ian

Anonymous said...

Dude, your blog is your blog. People obviously enjoy visiting it and reading what you have to say about whatever.

Your entry sounded like the basis for some sort of VH1's Behind the Blog segment...

Announcer: Doc was riding high? But suddenly, things began to implode...

Doc: It became about the numbers...the hits...the comments...I felt pressured.

Announcer: More, when Behind the Blog continues.

But in all seriousness, stay cool, be you, and if you need to take some sort of cattle drive with a couple of your buddies to find out who and what you are about...then do it. Ain't nobody goin nowhere.
:-)

Anonymous said...

Dr. Anon, don't try to keep up with the numbers they will make you nuts. It is way to much stress.

Blog about what you want to blog about. You have all your original readers. We aren't going any where. We like you just like you are. You shouldn't change anything just for the sake of numbers. We all get in slumps. A week or ao again I thought about taking down my blog. But, I just let it work itself out.

I get depressed felling when I think I have blogged to much about my medical issues. But, those are the things that have been consuming me, so why not blog of them on my own blog? I hope I don't lose readers because of it but it is my reality.

You do what you wnat, when you want and don't worry about the rest of it. It can become a job if you let it get control of you.

Anonymous said...

Just be you!! That is why I read you every day. The numbers are nice but they are not everything. If you don't feel like posting then don't. If you do then do. This is your blog to do with what you wish. Keep doing what you do best, being you.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there. There are a lot of days I struggle for something to come up with to write about and it always hits me when I least expect. Just know we're all here ready, willing and waiting to read whatever you post.

Dr. A said...

Ian, I am one of your screaming groupies! That restraining order doesn't mean anything, does it?

Kevin, Behind the Blog - good stuff. I may have to steal that idea. Also like the City Slickers reference.

Cathy, You're right about the numbers. I just needed to step back a bit.

AM, You read me every day? Gee thanks!

MC, You're right about ideas hitting when you least expect. I just re-read my "idiot" post from June. I have no idea how that idea came about, but I'm glad I wrote it. That was funny stuff!

healthpsych said...

People return here for a reason!

If we wanted to read pure medical stuff, we could read it in a million other places. I like the way you mix things up - always something of interest, a touch of humour.

My only whine is that sometimes I get your blog and Fat Doctor's mixed up. They look alike and you're both big fans of the Diet Coke!!!!

ipanema said...

Hey, Dr. A! For as long as you're happy blogging, don't mind what others say. Some people really wanted everything to be like them. Real dummy!

And who says that you have to abide by their rules? Don't let them get into your nerves. There's one site up in top 10 where you can find a picture and a sentence and presto...a post! And they're on top! hahahaha... Others have a paragraph and presto...a post!

That's they're style. Somebody got pissed off with my blog (Philippine IP) once. I told the person, read the description of my blog before you type. I am not after awards or anything. Maybe he wants a research paper so I can explain fully...bloody fellow! :)

Sorry, this is your blog, I was carried away. :)

Lea said...

Write this blog for you. Pretend that no one is going to read it. Use it as an outlet for your thoughts and it will turn out great! (You may want to keep the 'gutter' thoughts off the keyboard, though or this blog will evolve into something totally different than intended.)

I read you every day and I love it!

Dr. A said...

HP, I intentionally try to confuse people thinking this is FD's site. HA! Not really. Maybe I'll change my template, I just don't want to lose any posts or sidebar stuff.

Ipanema, I do admit that I sometimes internalize feedback from others - especially negative feedback. It's a constant challenge for me.

Lea, Thanks for the advice. When I started blogging, I knew no one was reading, so I could write whatever. Now, maybe pretending no one is reading will help lower my perceived stress.

Pieces of Mind said...

I think of blogs as a reflection of the writer's life, interests and aspirations. If you blog about a diversity of topics, maybe it just means you're more well rounded than all the other one-trick-pony bloggers out there. ;)

No one reads my blog. I personally don't care, and I have not knocked myself out to advertise what I write. I just find it cathartic. The creative aspect is kinda fun too.

Writing does foster a sense of community in that we all write in order for someone else to read us - otherwise what's the point? But writing itself is essentially a solo act. Therein lies the freedom. So go ahead and keep exploring your voice and telling your stories the way you want.

healthpsych said...

I was only kidding, Dr. A!! No need to change..although there's always that pesky iPod list...heh heh.

The Curmudgeon said...

"Hey Doc. No offense, but your medical posts aren't all that 'hard core.'"

Wow. That tells me how far gone I am. I can barely understand some of these 'non-hard core' medical posts as it is....

Keep doing what you like.

Julie, RN said...

I come here daily (or more) BECAUSE your posts are real and you include non-medical topics; it is a place to de-stress and commiserate and laugh as needed. Sure, I enjoy the medical and technological subjects, but I get enough of that in real life. Sometimes you just want to hang with your buddies and BS now and then. So there. :D

Anonymous said...

doc, please switch to beta. i have the hardest time commenting on non beta blogs any more, barb says she is having the same problem.

your blog is yours and it is good so don't second guess yourself. i noticed your cool counter is gone, i still have mine but i rarely look at it. sometimes i see it and get startled at the number of visitors that have been through there, even knowing lots are next blog hits. i remember my 53 people blog and it wasn't all that long ago.

we are all having fun and that is why we are here. no other reason. we don't get paid, we don't have to post, we just like it. so as long as you like it, do it.

hope i get this posted, it is my third try!

bee

Dr. A said...

Pieces of Mind, Thanks so much for stopping by. I appreciate your thoughts. I'm going to check out your blog.

HP, One of these days, I'll get that iPod list up for you :)

Counselor Curmudgeon, Thanks for the advice.

Julie, Thanks for hanging out here to de-stress and commiserate. Work/life can definitely be stressful sometimes.

Bee, sorry you're having problems with comments. I'm holding off on blogger beta right now. I've just been hearing some scary stuff lately. :(

just me said...

I stumbled across your blog and want to tell you I enjoy reading it.

always learning said...

Have you ever thought it weird that a random stranger who doesn't know you will "criticize" your blog? I mean, if you happen to like a blog, great! If you don't like it, no one's forcing you to read it...

Just goes to show you can't please everyone... even in cyberspace! ;)

Besides, it might be boring to write about work and work-related things all day long! I like your blog - mix it up and keep it interesting! :)